Week 1 East Recap
*Intro 80s sitcom music Messiah’s chapel displays in big bright letters
*Messiah’s Chapel is filmed in front of a live studio audience
*Enter…. Messiah sitting crossed legged with a cigar in hand
Good evening, I am your guide throughout this weird world of chel, I am… The MESSIAH. We’ve got a great show for you guys tonight and it just so happens to be… THE SEASON PREMIERE. *Crowd Cheers
That is right, we have officially entered season 2 of the VGHL 3s takeover and it has been shaping up to be one of the best ones yet. We have the toxicity *crowd boos*. We have the drama *crowd gasps*. We have the cellar dwellers *crowd laughs* and we have the powerhouses *crowd cheers* So what first what first? Ah Let’s start off with the drama.
Did you guys hear that Washington is under new management? Yeah once Kirill saw Flex_Laffy as a captain he sprinted away quicker than OJ did from Nicole Brown’s house. *crowd laughs* That’s not the kicker though, there was a vacancy in ownership, Laffy wasn’t up to the task and didnt want to manage anymore so they called in the big guns. Introducing your new Washington management team, egomaniacstud and ItzChico!!! *crowd laughs* Now now guys even though their combined nhl iq is lower than Mike Tysons regular iq after going 12 rounds, they are still good people. You guys like investing right? *Crowd shouts yes* Well heres a little insider trading for you all. Sell Sell Sell the Washington Capitals because that stock is going to plummet faster than Johnny Depp’s career. *crowd oohs* Going from one plummet to another lets switch over to Buffalo after the break.
*Messiah’s Chapel returns
Welcome back to Messiah’s chapel. Before the break we were talking about the rise and fall of the Capitals. Now let’s talk about someone that will still finish lower than them. Please welcome the assistant to the Buffalo Sabres, Abrizzle11. Ohhh Brizzle. *Crowd Boos* Now brizzle, after the draft what did you think of your team coming into the season? Brizzle: We got “big tings” going on in Buffalo. *crowd laughs* Brizzle: “Damn, Sabres lookin real nice rn.” Brizzle I don’t know if you know this now but the sabres are the only winless team in 3s right now. Brizzle: *Crickets* I mean I would say hit the practice ice and play against yourselves but you’d still probably screw that up. Thanks for joining us Brizzle, don’t try to set any vg3s losing streak records now *winks* *crowd laughs* One more break and we’ll go over the hot streak of Florida and how it affects the rest of the league. Stay Tuned *Crowd cheers*
*Messiah’s Chapel returns
We’re back for the home stretch of the week that was. Let’s recap a bit, we talked about the questionable managerial change in Washington, and the joke of a management team in Buffalo, let’s take it over to the Southside where Florida, the cellar dwellers of last season are now finding themselves atop the East and in commanding fashion. *crowd cheers* What we have here is DTurp playing dumb the first season just to steal 2 first round draft picks for this season and now he’s made the most of them. Drafting Yung96, TheMarker1, and roon_smith. Joining me in the chapel to talk about how the Panthers have gone from worst to first is none other than Robert Kraft. Thanks for joining me Mr. Kraft, I see you didn’t get lost in an asian massage parlor this time. *crowd laughs* Kraft: Hehe Thanks for having me Messiah. Now Bob you have the most experience in this scenario as your Patriots have won a league tied 6 super bowls, and have won the most since 2000. How do you figure this all came about? Kraft: Well what Turp saw was an opportunity, let people take advantage of him in the first year then smacked all of them in the face and now the leagues paying for it. They have Yung96 who has amassed 43 points in 6 games which is incredible and have Marker at 3-0 with a save percentage above .800. Now if I were DTurp though, I’d place cameras all around the Blue Jackets facility so they can see what hypey is up to. Now now Bobby, we don't want Spygate 3.0 on our hands. Mr. Kraft everybody *crowd cheers*
Ah it’s almost over, the season premiere, you know in media, you always hope the network calls and gives you another 3 or 4 seasons, and I am grateful for that. And in return. They have the #1 media representative in VG3’s *crowd cheers* Till next week my disciples, I am the Messiah from Messiah’s Chapel. Your number 1 source of information in all of VGHL3s. Oh I almost forgot, you V G H L 3 PLAYER OF THE WEEK, with 28 GOALS 15 ASSISTS………. YUNG96 Yung come out and say hi! GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY!!!!!
Written By: *Messiah walks off stage*